Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?