i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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