I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
