I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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