So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?