You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.