No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
