i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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