we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
