Texts From Last Night

offfthewall's Favorites Texts:

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  (979): View more from Texas

  We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.

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  (979): We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it. http://tfl.nu/1cxu
  Replies (26) Good night (7174) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.

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  (619): Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me. http://tfl.nu/28u5
  Replies (23) Good night (648) Bad night (3794) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (46) Good night (6130) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7254) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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  (970): I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me http://tfl.nu/ieav
  Replies (10) Good night (4708) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

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  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8124) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"

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  (614): Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge" http://tfl.nu/439j
  Replies (20) Good night (3558) Bad night (4170)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.

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  (614): Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar. http://tfl.nu/j0wd
  Replies (19) Good night (5549) Bad night (992)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

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  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (802) Bad night (3832) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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  (313): Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good. http://tfl.nu/3acn
  Replies (19) Good night (1092) Bad night (5921) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

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  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6695) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.

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  (623): Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough. http://tfl.nu/yln2
  Replies (120) Good night (7732) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6098) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?

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  (778): Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter? http://tfl.nu/1qb1
  Replies (19) Good night (4163) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

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  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20231) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.

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  (650): they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids. http://tfl.nu/zjz8
  Replies (6) Good night (7166) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

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  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8440) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

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  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1248) Bad night (5714) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

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  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (8903) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt