oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
