1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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