I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.