I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.