hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
