Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dating After Heartbreak
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.