when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
hotties wanna shake it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP