Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My pussy is not your playground.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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