Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.