you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"