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i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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