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i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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