break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
