I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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