for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer