He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
