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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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