So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
