bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
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so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
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Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.