Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
