My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.