Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize