I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
