Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
