I would do horrible things to your vagina.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.