"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
