He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"