He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"