I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
