just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
