Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Follow @tfln