I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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