the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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