I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize