This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.