so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
