No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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