I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.