If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You ate ashes out of my bong
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
