i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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