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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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