Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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