Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow