are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize