you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"