If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
