I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
