ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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