Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
