Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT