Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dick very happy bro
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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