I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
