Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"