Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.