I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize