You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole