while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My legs feel like baby dolphins
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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