Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor