Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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